I am so lucky. I get to use what I know how to do – estate planning, special needs law and elder law-in service of the thing I have come to believe is fundamental to the wellbeing of our planet-healthy, openhearted human connection. I see these types of planning as invaluable opportunities to help clients and their families get really clear on what they believe, what they need to have a good life, and then communicate those wishes to their loved ones while they are well.

I have always really enjoyed working with the families who became my clients. But something fundamentally shifted for me when I was forced to close my practice in 2019 to deal with a debilitating illness. For several years, I lost the ability to use the muscles in my face and could not easily speak or make facial expressions. It was by far the most difficult, lonely time of my life. I learned to live without a lot during that time. But it was the loss of human connection that felt unbearable. It became so clear to me that humans are built to connect. That when we have the tools and understanding needed to do it well, we are a powerful force for healing and good. When we don’t have those tools (or perhaps don’t know how to get them) things go sideways fast.

When I finally found doctors who understood my condition, and gave me the tools to I needed to heal (I am now completely recovered), I slowly regained my ability to speak and to connect with other people. It was like I had been sitting in a dark room for two years and someone finally turned on the lights. I noticed that as I was able to interact meaningfully again with others I felt really good, and I healed faster and that all compounded.

So what is strong, positive human connection?

I believe it is the sense of closeness and belonging a person can experience when they have supportive relationships with the people around them. Positive connection happens when two or more people interact with each other and each person feels valued, seen, and heard.

There is a ton of research that shows what happens in the brain when this kind of connection takes place. The research shows that strong social connection:

Leads to a 50% increased chance of longevity.
Strengthens your immune system (research by Steve Cole shows that genes impacted by loneliness also code for immune function and inflammation).
Helps you recover from disease faster.
Leads to lower levels of anxiety and depression.
Leads to higher levels of self-esteem and compassion and empathy for others.
Makes people more trusting and cooperative and makes others more trusting and cooperative of them.

In other words, strong social connectedness generates a positive feedback loop of social, emotional, and physical well-being.

Conversely, one landmark study showed that lack of social connection is a greater detriment to health than obesity, smoking, and high blood pressure. Low levels of social connection are associated with declines in physical and psychological health as well as a higher likelihood for antisocial  behavior that leads to further isolation.

I decided then that I wanted to do whatever I could to strengthen and grow my relationships and to help others do the same.

I believe in people.  I believe that we are all inherently valuable. There is nothing that any of us can do to make ourselves more valuable or less valuable. I don’t believe in good people and bad people. But I think that we make good and bad choices. We say good and bad things.  We all do both. But if we want to build a better world, we should take every opportunity we have to create the positive connections that lead to so many benefits.

I see estate planning as such an opportunity.